This is NEVER ok
We all have an inner critic; that nasty little voice that pipes up every time you want to try something new, or when things don’t go to plan. But why do we do it? The answer is that deep down, part of you believes that by beating yourself up, you’re somehow either protected against criticism from others (you’re not) or you believe that by being mean to yourself, you’ll motivate yourself to be better. Not true! Studies have found that being kind to ourselves is always the best option – kindness brings out the best in us and we’re even cushioned against the criticism of others. Be kind; always. Kindness leads to confidence.
I was the queen of this
Avoidance is something I know a LOT about. I’d have every intention of going to the party, until 10 minutes before hand, when I’d be overcome with fear and feel the desperate urge to avoid it all and climb back into bed. This kept me stuck because I never got to challenge the belief that talking to new people was dangerous and scary. When I started to take action to slowly move out of my comfort zone – I realised that there was nothing to be afraid of – and my confidence grew in leaps and bounds.
This one super power you DON’T have
A certain amount of concern over the opinions of others it natural and normal – where it’s a problem is when we go into mind-reading. It’s a sure fire way to sap your confidence. You know what I mean by mind-reading, right? I’ve been known to deduce that someone ‘hates me’ by a micro-expression on their face, or assume someone thinks I’m a bad friend because they took longer than 20 minutes to answer my text message. So when you’re tempted to worry about what people might be thinking, remember; you’re not a mind reader!
Joy thief ahoy
Comparison is the thief of joy, so they say, and I tend to agree. It helps me to remember that someone else doing well, looking great or having fun does not detract from the good things that are happening in my life. So I take time each day to celebrate and appreciate all the good things I have going on in my life. Plus, spending less time scrolling on Instagram can’t hurt either and can only help your confidence.
Hanging around drains
Is it time to do a friend audit? Are the people you spend time with lifting you up, celebrating your magic and cheering you on? If not, it might be time to evaluate who you want to spend time with.
But what if?!
Hands up who’s been known to think the worst, catastrophize and ask themselves ‘what if?’. Me too. But I realised imagining what could go wrong wasn’t serving me and so these days I ask myself ‘What could go right?’ and I start to get excited about all the positive possibilities that exist.
How about no!
Saying yes when you mean ‘no’ drains your energy, your confidence and your good will. You might think that you’re being kind to others, butis it really kind if you’re simmering with resentment and on the verge of burning out because you always put others first? Hell no! So before you rush to people-please, ask yourself ‘Is this a yes or a no for me?’ and tune into how it feels in your body.
Get more tips on being more calm and confident plus free resources by clicking below: