Self love is, in my opinion, one of the most important aspects of overcoming anxiety and feeling more confident. It’s something we all need, without exception and almost all of us could use some improvement in this area.
Katie Phillips is a Self Love Mentor and transformational coach and founder of www.daringandmighty.com. Here she shares her personal journey, her wisdom on self love, why we need it and how we can get it!
– As a self love mentor and coach, what has been your journey towards loving yourself more?
Oh gosh, where do I start!
I had a long history of looking outside myself for love, approval and fulfilment. I didn’t have a strong sense of self. I literally didn’t know who I was without high achievements in my career validating my abilities, a man to tell me I was loveable and adventurous travel to prove I was spirited! I was a pro at keeping up appearances and smiling as if everything was fine when the truth was I was dying inside because I suffered dreadful anxiety and worry which was only satiated by the external approval. It was exhausting. I had also developed an addiction to drama fuelled relationships that were based on co-dependent patterns of behaviour, meaning that I felt completely unworthy if my man wasn’t giving me the love and approval I so desperately needed.
As you can imagine, I was pretty miserable!
I had a ‘rock-bottom’ experience and found myself single with a child in nappies, burned out, no income and no place to live. For the sake of my son I prayed to God for help because I was fast tracking in the wrong direction. I had to sort my shit out!
I discovered I had been living essentially as a puppet to my childhood programming and was following my Mum’s footsteps who very tragically took her own life when I was 22. Noticing that my behaviours, the way I felt and the life I was creating was a carbon copy of my Mum’s life was such a slap in the face.
I discovered through a series of miraculous events that I could create my own life. That I didn’t need to be a victim of circumstance or of the beliefs and behaviours of generations before me. I realised I could change my life!
I found myself on an intense spiritual and personal development journey which changed everything for me.
I had an enormous Spiritual awakening and my world shifted rapidly as a result.
I discovered that self-love was my way free and it wasn’t long before I was compelled to help other high achieving women with yo-yo-ing emotions avoid a rock bottom moment. I desired to introduce them to their beautiful Spiritual selves and the truth that they are truly worthy of self-love and that the people they love most in their lives would be the first to benefit from that discovery!
That was several years ago and my role as a self-love mentor and coach has become so much more than a career. It’s my purpose!
– I love the name of your website; What does it mean to be ‘Daring and Mighty’?
Growing up, my Dad had a quote on his office wall by Theodore Roosevelt which proclaimed, “Far better it is to Dare Mighty Things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take ranks with those timid S
pirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”
That quote had a profound impact on me and I decided at a young age that I wanted to Dare Mighty Things!
It seemed apt to call my business Daring & Mighty – daring women to love themselves and live a mighty life.
– What are some signs that we’re lacking in self love?
Lack of self belief, self confidence and self worth. A loud inner critic telling you that you are not good enough. Feeling like you are living on an emotional yo-yo. Anxiety. Exhaustion. Depression. A sense that you don’t know yourself and that you are not living your purpose. A habit of looking outside yourself for love, acceptance and approval. Weight gain. Bad sleep. Re-current illnesses. Little or no habits in place around self-care.
I could go on and on!
I believe a woman knows if she is lacking in self-love. It’s a gut knowing because at our very core we are meant to love ourselves because as Spiritual beings, we are love. It’s what drives us and at the end of the day, it’s all there is.
There comes a time in most women’s lives where they are presented with a choice to listen to that whisper inside that suggests they are meant for more. Many women will ignore the call because the discomfort of stepping outside the comfort zone of all that they know is so terrifying. Some women bravely step up to the plate and do the work required to dig through the conditioned patterns of behaviour and heal their self sabotaging traits so that they might connect with their true selves. Those are the women that I work with and they are shining their light in the world, being who they truly are and having the impact they were born to have!
– Why is self love so important?
When we love ourselves we begin to believe “I Am Enough’ and so we open up to possibility whereas before we were shut down by sabotaging beliefs, feelings and behaviours, trapped in an unfulfilling life of playing small. That equates death to our Spirit who is designed to expand, grow and experience!
When we love ourselves we become available for so much more. More love, more time, more fun, more money, more compassion, more patience, more connection. We simply have so much more energy and we desire to share that with others because we are filled up rather than running on empty with not a lot to give to those we care about most.
Suddenly we remember that we are worthy and that we have something special to contribute to this planet – no matter how big or small, we are all here with the ability to be love and therefore spread love.
– Can you give us an actionable step towards loving ourselves more?
Choose to live consciously! Wake up and face up to where you are at, right here, right now. Notice what isn’t serving you; how you are playing small; the horribly uncomfortable feelings you are pushing down; the sabotaging habits designed to repress hateful thoughts; the addictions; the pain. Awareness hurts but it’s the crucial first step to creating change. You need to get clear on what requires healing and transformation.
Notice how you are talking to yourself. We can be so horrible to ourselves! Choose loving thoughts instead.
Get real with how you are treating your body and choose to love it – whether that be feeding it food that loves you back, committing to an exercise regime or booking in some self-care and down time.
Get into the habit of asking yourself daily, “How do I feel today?” and then choose to honour those feelings (because they are all valid!) and take action where you can in a compassionate, self-loving way. Do you need to create time to have a good cry? Do you need to punch the crap out of a pillow and express your rage? Would you feel more supported if you booked some time with a counsellor or coach?
Create your own unique Spiritual Practice. Connection to your true self is key. Every relationship needs time, attention and energy. Make time to develop a relationship with you by tuning in to you – that could be journalling, meditation, walks on the beach, a candle-lit bath, running on a treadmill….find your way and commit to it.
Get support! You are not designed to do life alone and there are people much further down the path than you that can guide you, help you heal and move forward much faster and with far deeper and lasting effect than doing it on your own. There is no way I could have healed to the degree that I have and be able to support others if I hadn’t invested in excellent support. I continue to invest in support too because I am an ever evolving Spirit and life is SO much more awesome with people on my team!
– Please let us know where we can find out more about your work and how to work with you.
If you desire to get conscious (the first crucial step to self-love), then I would love to share my free, 3-part video series with you called LIVING CONSCIOUSLY – get the video series here.
If you know that you are a people pleaser and are in the habit of looking outside yourself for love, approval and acceptance then I would love to share another free video training series with you that will unveil how people pleasing is keeping you miserable, exhausted, unloved and broke! Get it here
I have an awesome private Facebook Group for women who desire to love themselves. It’s a great community and I regularly run free Self-Love challenges from this space and share video teachings to support your journey. I also host a regular Self-Love PodCast and all the recordings are filed on this page – there’s a huge amount of inspirational content including eye-opening interviews with other Self-Love ambassadors! You can join here
Now, Katie and I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. How is a lack of self love holding you back?
What one step could you take towards loving yourself more? Let us know in the comments.