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Ep 93. Dial-Up Your Self Worth with Becki Rabin

March 16, 2020

This week on the Calmer You Podcast I speak with Becki Rabin. She is THE business coach, brand consultant, speaker, presenter and entrepreneur. Wow! We chat about: How can we shine more brightly without fears of what people think Becki shares her own story of transformation  Practical tools for dialing-up your self-worth  How to move […]

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I'm a coach and hypnotherapist who helps people to create work life balance, quiet the inner critic and become their calmest and happiest selves. 

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This week on the Calmer You Podcast I speak with Becki Rabin. She is THE business coach, brand consultant, speaker, presenter and entrepreneur. Wow!

We chat about:

  • How can we shine more brightly without fears of what people think
  • Becki shares her own story of transformation 
  • Practical tools for dialing-up your self-worth 
  • How to move outside of your comfort zone

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Transcript

Intro: Hello, and welcome to the Calmer You podcast, this is your host Chloe Brotheridge, I’m a coach, a hypnotherapist and I’m the author of The Anxiety Solution and Brave New Girl.” And this podcast is all about helping you to become your calmest, happiest, and most confident self. So in the podcast today I get to speak about Becki Rabin, she’s a friend of mine, she is a wonderful business coach, she’s a brand consultant, a speaker, an entrepreneur and she’s all about helping people to get lit. She explains exactly what that means in this episode. She has so many useful ideas on helping us to master our mindset and feel better about who we are and dial-up our self-worth, how we can build a life of our dreams, how to become the happiest version of ourselves and really unlocking our fullest potential.

business coaching

I think this really comes through in this episode with Becki. She shares a lot about her own transformation and the journey that she’s been on to really shifting her mindset and changing her life in quite dramatic ways. We get into this topic of being lit, being lit up, you know turning a light on, this is something that Becki is really focused on helping people with and why for so many of us we can hold ourselves back from really shining brightly and being confident because we are so scared of what other people are going to think. And so she shares a lot about this and how we can overcome those barriers, so that we can just be our most confident selves. We also talk about anxiety.

Becki shares some of practical tools that she helps her own clients with, and we also get the topic of social media and that pressure, and how we can try to not allow social media to take over our lives.

So I would love to send you some free resources to help you become your calmest and happiest, the most confident self, you can head over the calmeryou.com/free, enter your e-mail address there, then I’m going to send you those free resources, mp3s, worksheets, lots of practical tools, and updates about the podcast, and you can get that calmeryou.com/free. So let’s get into the interview with Becki Rabin.

Chloe: Hey Becki.

Becki Rabin: Hello.

Chloe: Welcome, thank you very much, thank you for being here.

Becki Rabin: It’s nice to be here. It’s nice being interviewed–

Chloe: Yes

Becki Rabin: –on the other side of the situation.

Chloe: Can you share with us what do you do and how do you help people? What’s been your journey to get to where you are today?

Becki’s mission

Becki Rabin: Ok. Wow… So what do I do? So I guess firstly I’m like a business coach, I call myself a business mentor and like empowerment coach because it’s not just business focus. So, I guess my biggest mission is to help girls light up, like know that they can have more, that they can have anything they dream of if they just believe in themselves. To turn down the volume on the end of the critic, and step into the light and into their power. So I guess how I do that is I work one to one with predominately wellness coaches or entrepreneurs in the wellness space.

coaching

So whether they own a studio, or they are a yoga teacher instructor, or life coach, health coach, nutritionist, p.t. To work with them one to one to help them build their business but also to help them believe that they’re worthy of building their business and confident enough to step into the limelight to make impact and increase their visibility. So I do that one to one and then I also have a group coaching program where I again work with wellness experts to help them build their business but it’s a lot more like their own journey. We give them the resources, they access it.

And then I host events, my own Get Lit Podcast. That’s it really, I’m the founder of an online wellness magazine, which is written by the leading experts in the industry. So it’s kind of all working with entrepreneurs who want to grow their business but also people who just want to have more and are maybe lacking in motivation, kind of the go-getters of the world who might not be shining yet or dreaming of shining, or have a dream that they want to pursue. And then how did I get here. It’s so weird because it kind of all just makes perfect sense but I would never have guessed that this is what I would be doing, like ever in a million years.

I actually started as an advertising manager, working at Hurst magazines. I was managing a department of girls predominately graduates who we were selling adverts into all kinds of magazines.

On the side I’ve always struggled with food intolerances. I was born lactose intolerance and I’ve just been a highly sensitive person, with all these auto-immune issues. I was always researching alternative methods of healing which back then the alternative method was going gluten-free. I was in out of gluten-free but like back then it was all about like gluten free, like the things that I was doing that were helping me get better, you know that weren’t like usual types of medicine, when I was blogging that, as I was always kind of like going along.

And I have always been super sporty my entire life, so I started blogging what I was eating, what I was doing and so that turned into blogging fitness and then I became a personal trainer. So for like 2 years, I was double life in the corporate world and also being a p.t, and blogging, and sharing what I was learning and kind of just getting immersed in the whole wellness fitness thing. And so I did that for about 2 years, which was also probably a massive part of the whole journey too. So I kind of had like my heart was in one business, and I actually did love my corporate career as well, I loved it and I’d always thought that’s what I wanted to do, and I wanted to go on this ladder. But it wasn’t like fulfilling my heart, like it wasn’t like really filling me up.

And so I got really confused because I was like which one do I want to do, like my heart’s over here in fitness but this pays the bills. And also I think it was a lot more because that was all I ever wanted. I always wanted to work at a corporate career in a publishing house, with magazines wearing heels to convey this like successful on the outside woman. That was really confusing for me when I started questioning what I wanted and that wasn’t filling me up and like Hang on a minute, how did the gym and trainers make me so happy. So kind of did that for 2 years and then I couldn’t really take it anymore and actually the universe gave me a little bit of an amazing notch and made my boss redundant and kind of moved the whole department around, which basically meant I had an out to leave. And they kind of… they wanted me to step into his shoes to give me the pay rise kind of all the things that went with it.

So it really made me kind of step into my power and go right I really need to figure out what I want to do here. So I jumped basically and took the leap, went self-employed, I actually set up through the marketing business with a business partner of mine which kind of made me have a regular income for a bit, and learn the wellness industry even more. We kind of got to know all the brands, we got to know all the people and then on the side I got to build my like wellness magazine, which was Alternatively Healthy.” And I’ve actually been through a kind of massive thing with Hurst, where they also need to pitch to them what alternatively healthy was, so that they might launch as a magazine and I was really excited and it made me do this amazing business plan, and obviously working in magazines I saw that there was like this wealth of like the rise of people it’s not about health and there wasn’t as many magazines and obviously there was “women’s health and runners health,” but they were being written by journalists, people with an interest in fitness but not qualified experts.

So I found this like gap in the market and was like I think we need an online wellness magazine, that isn’t just about abs and how to lose weight and shred and burn but actually like how important your mind is to your health and your healing, and alternative methods of healing. So whilst I was doing that business with my business partner, I was able to kind of like follow my passion with both the personal training but not put too much pressure on it being my earning an income.

And then also building the incentive to be a healthy brand. So again meeting loads of experts and getting out there. So we’ve been running that for like 4 or 5 years now and then what just naturally happened is as I grew out of being a personal trainer, I realize that the bit I loved about being a personal trainer was I loved helping girls believe that they were way more than what they thought they were. I attracted all the same goals and they were all just carbon copies of me like, they were going through the same things I’d gone through even to the point where like loads of them had lost a parent and I didn’t have a dad. So it was like I was really attracting just mirrors of me and they were all in amazing shape but couldn’t see it.

And so I was like this isn’t fulfilling me like helping them look a certain way, like we’re so much more than that and I really felt like a year lost my messages the p.t. I was like trying to tell girls that they could get fit and look a certain way but also trying to tell them that it wasn’t about how they looked and they were so much more than that. And I was really… I got really lost and I went away to Australia and I was so uncertain on who I was and I kind of like fell into this hole as well, as I took myself out of my comfort zone, all my issues that I’ve been ignoring kind of came up and I started battling with my own body issues again and food. And I realized I was so routine with my food and so restrictive with my food, but I noticed because it was so routine, I was living my normal life.

So yeah in Australia I got really lost and I kind of came home and just committed that I was going to spend a year working on myself and my own growth, and then it just all fell into place that actually what I started doing was helping one of these experts that were working through the brand, build their brand and kind of consult them. And then I took a risk, a massive risk and I was like I’ve been in this industry 5 years, I don’t know who I am or I’m going to go to a business coach and she was the one that then was like to me, What are you doing? Like you are… you’ve got so much to give, you should be coaching people as a business coach and I was like what? Me, and she was like absolutely, that you’ve run 3 business for the last life 5 years, you’ve got degree in it, you are in advertising and marketing background, you have all the skill sets and you’ve worked as a coach yourself in the industry, you know what the industry looks like and then it just from there fell into place.

Like I did, there was no pushing, there was nothing, it just kind of fell into my lap and then I started business coaching people, getting loads of traction there, and I couldn’t physically take on anymore one on one clients. So I created the community, so it’s funny because I think people think it’s all about just jumping into the unknown, but actually I was doing all of the steps along the way, so yeah every dot kind of connects if I hadn’t done advertising or marketing, I wouldn’t know how to market my business. If I hadn’t of done the p.t. stuff I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be like a p.t. in the industry and the challenges that you face. So yeah that’s how I ended up in kind of a not so short nutshell. [laughs]

Chloe: Ok.

Becki Rabin: Yeah.

Chloe: It’s interesting how sometimes we can look back on our careers or lives and just see how things may be kind of circuit to a test, actually everything was teaching us something and pushing us in a certain direction and everything’s kind of happening for a reason.

Becki Rabin: 100 percent.

Chloe: How do you think you transformed personally throughout all of this?

Becki Rabin: God, I would say like hugely and I’m really honest in anything I do. I really like always draw back to like where I was because I think as coaches sometimes we can like want to be seen to be professional and have all our stuff together and like we haven’t been on a journey but like I believe that most people in this industry aren’t here unless we’ve overcome something. And I literally was talking to a friend yesterday and she was like to me the person that you are now compared to who you were 4 years ago or 5 years ago when we moved in together is like a completely different person, like the words that I use, the things that I used to say, that I used to talk so badly to myself, like I look in the mirror but oh my god you’re gross and like just was so harsh on myself.

I used to literally have this like sign on my forehead that was I don’t talk to me, and it wasn’t that I was rude and didn’t want to talk to people it was just because I was so insecure and I didn’t think I was like worthy of being spoken to, which might you wouldn’t also understand because I was quite like an out there person, like I’ve never been an introvert at all. So I’m confident in like so many ways, but was never confident in myself and I believe that like very different things, I could hold a room, I could you know start in front of a group of people and talk but I just didn’t love myself enough. So I think the transformation I have really like for the last 4 years hugely focused on my growth and I’ve just gone deep and I faced so many like things I was trying to like think that I wasn’t bothered about.

So 1st let me think about this, so before I was born my dad actually died and he died a week before I was born and it kind of set my whole life thinking I was very unaffected by it because I didn’t lose, I didn’t know any different. So I kind of just shut away from it, never asked my mum any questions, and actually what I’ve really would learn since doing all the work on myself is like that really caused so much problems, so many problems for me, like I kind of learn you have to fend for yourself. So you have to always always be on the go and like push and shove your way through life and you have to work super hard to earn money because it doesn’t come easily. And I learned that every man always leaves, and so I learned so many like condition things in my mind at that point from what I had kind of been through. But I had some real demons that I needed to face, a lot of it was just chasing approval from other people because I was desperately seeking my dad approval.

So I was like I wanted to be the most successful in business because I wanted someone to approve of me, and I wanted to have the most amazing body because I wanted someone to approve of me, and I wanted everyone to tell me that they liked me because I didn’t like me. So yes there’s been a huge transformation even in the last year I would say like I really just stepped out of my fear of being seen and out my comfort zone, and have just like been trusting a lot more in the process but yeah if anyone had met me like 3 years ago, I mean you knew me like 3 years ago, it was so different, I just was kind of thought the world was against me and I felt like I wasn’t ever worthy of being successful. So yeah, there has been huge growth.

Chloe: Amazing… Wow… Yeah I think I met you… I remember when I met you and I think you just left your job or you were just about too, it was like you were in the last week of when you were just like taking that leap into the next chapter. That was the scary time, that was a really scary time. I often get asked by people how can I leave my corporate job and do what I love and I kind of I’m like I did it but there was a lot going on behind the scenes for like 2 years before I did it and then in the last 6 months before I did I cried every day. I had this like anxiety inside of me every day, like all the fears were coming out for me but it was I making the right decision, was I going to be supported with money, is this what I want. Am I crazy, in that you have your mom being like have you saved enough money, and I remember meeting you actually and I was like, I was so excited by what the future could hold, I was so petrified. And ultimately I just don’t think I never really believed, it wasn’t… I didn’t believe in my ability to achieve all the things I wanted to believe, it was more that I didn’t think I was worthy of shining and I was so afraid of being the girl that went for it and I kind of think that that’s what so many people struggle with, it’s not that they don’t believe they can do it, it’s that they don’t want to be the girl that steps out and like be who does she think she is. Like how dare she shine her light and that was my biggest.

Chloe: Yeah I mean I can definitely relate to that, that you can feel kind of naked, you know when you’re putting yourself out there and it’s not easy, no. And people, I mean I still feel afraid when I’m going outside my comfort zone. I don’t know if it goes away no matter what you do or how much you push. I think there’s always a new level to get to. So do you think that aspect of… I know you’ve spoken about this before and I heard this a lot from people, you know what are people going to think if I suddenly start my own business and going on Instagram stories and talking about things and you see a lot of things?

Becki Rabin: Oh my God. So so much, and also coming from quite a big unique group myself. When I started my blog I can’t tell you how many people took the piss out of me, had something to say about it and they were like who does she think she is, so self-indulgent. And that’s the whole like message behind get lit really is. That I want more women to feel safe to light up and know that it is their birthright to light up and to shine. And that actually they’re not serving only themselves by not, but there are so many people who need their light, there’s so many people who need them to kind of show up and shine and do whatever it is that their purpose is here for and we can become so caught up in what other people think about us and I think I was on like a spiritual tree in Thailand and I was having a healing session and this man said to me, like why do you work the way the you do.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think

And I was like because I want to be successful, I wasn’t like I want to help people at that age, it was I want to be successful and he was like but why? And I was like I don’t know and he was like you do know, I was like I don’t. And then he was like when you were working out and you were like so obsessed with how you looked, what was your driving force behind that? And I was like I guess I wanted people to approve of me, and it was so simple he just turned around to me that moment. I was like the only person approval that you need is your own, and like as long as you like your work, you like who you are, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. And it was like it just spoke straight to my heart, it was like exactly what I needed. It sounds so simple but I was like oh and I say that to so many people now, like my events and stuff and even to then they’re like oh, it’s like this.

We’re like waiting for everyone else to tell us that we’re amazing but as long as we love and we know what we’re doing, I always say to people like if you have a mission or purpose it becomes way more important than your insecurities if you genuinely want to help people or genuinely want to do something you tend to they’re not worry as much about what other people think of you. And also the other thing I was they too was like people really only have something to say when that triggered by what you are doing. So I call myself out on that all the time if I ever find myself judging someone on my cat what she doing that is triggering me and I remember there was like a few girls that used to really trigger me in My Space’s coaches, like a couple of years ago and I couldn’t follow them. I realized it was cool because they had absolutely no fear of being seen.

worthy

They were just authentically themselves in social media and they were out there, and I was petrified of doing that. For anyone who is ever worrying about what other people might say is really about worrying about being accepted. Firstly there are going to be so many people who are going to say things who are just bitter and jealous because they’re desperate to do it themselves, they might not even know that’s the reason but also just worry about the people who care about you. I’ve done a lot of like surrounding, like a lot of like decontaminating my field of energy in life, as in like hanging around with. Like I really have to separate myself from some people, and I know some people meant well when they were like joking and laughing, and like you know it’s humbling and I love them for it but then some of them I had to be like listen, like this is my work and every time you message me something like that you make me question whether I should do or not.

So yeah, that shows up, I think it is one of people’s biggest, is what other people think about them.

Chloe: Ok, so it’s about remembering that what you think of yourself is the most important thing and also the other people are projecting their own insecurities on to you, it’s not actually about you, it’s kind of their own stance, so don’t get to you personally.

Chloe: And when you say that to someone as well, I always say to someone notes that when you do yourself 1st or notice if you are around a friend and they say something about someone else, just check in and ask yourself if you know that person struggling with whatever is the talking about because I just really believe like comparison and judgment all comes from our own insecurities and I then got clear like every time I was judging someone else, I was like that’s me, I’m doing that, I have a problem that I need to work on that myself.

And also just to know that is what this whole message I want to spread is that like it is safe, it is your duty in life to shine and you have every right to and it just feels amazing when you are if you’re doing it for the right reasons.

Chloe: Totally, what about comfort zones? Can we talk about this? Have you gone out of your comfort zone by any chance?

Becki Rabin: Oh my goodness, have I? Comfort zones, I also kind of… this stems into the last topic about being afraid of what people might say, the same is like why we stay safe in our safety zones. I did an episode on this actually in my podcast and I believe that like they’re the excuses we tell ourselves to keep ourselves safe, so that people are going to say something about me or it might not work. I don’t believe that’s what we genuinely believe if I think that they are the things we say and we let our ego think to kind of keep us in that safety zone. So being in a safe design right is like we feel comfortable there, it’s what we know, it is the role we know how to play, whether it’s being in relationships like being in a safety zone where you just keep dating the same guy because that was I did that all the time, and I kept dating the same guy because I knew how to play the role of the girl that always got hurt.

And so anything other than it was like really scary for me. So I kind of believe we stay in these comfort zones particularly with stepping out into like building a business because we’re so afraid of how powerful we can be and how far we might be and how we fall because the top is so amazing and I’m always saying to people wouldn’t you rather see the top for a minute even if it was just for a minute and then fall and won’t you rather feel that feeling of love because you liked jumped and told someone how you felt about this, than not feel it at all. And so when we stay in our safety zones, we kind of… that’s what keeps us stuck, that’s what stops anyone from doing anything that they dream of doing.

And the thing is with getting out of your comfort zone is that’s kind of where the magic happens, that I always say to people if something scars you, do it. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m kind of working along like doing something and I’ve got comfortable and there’s no fear that kind of always that Ok, I need to step up what’s next, where I need to find some kind of fear, I love that feeling where I’m scared if it’s going to do well because I know that us me growing. I think a lot of our need to stay in all our safety zone or comfort zone is our need to control things. A lot of us don’t even realize that we’re doing it but I even notice that with my events, a lot of my events or about stepping out of your comfort zone and being brave, right? That’s the whole theme of them and I’m quite vague with what happens at the events like we’ve done enough events now people have kind of seen all the videos, they’ve seen that… they can see what goes on and they see the feedback but I always get people messaging me saying like I really want book a ticket, like what’s going to happen there, who’s going to be there, what are you going to do?

And I’m always like listen, this is the 1st step, it is going to be about like stepping out of a comfort zone, and the 1st thing is for you to book a ticket, you know it’s going to like, you know it’s going to help you. the voice that’s telling you to find out all the eventuality is the exact ways that keep you safe. So I deliberately keep my like baize for the event, it’s quite vague because I quite often like to just let the events go where they’re meant to go but b because I’m like I want you to take that 1st step of doing something that you can’t control all of the outcomes. And so when we step out of our comfort zone, we kind of lose control of all the possibilities because we’ve never been there before but what I try and say to people is like what if those possibilities are way better than you could have ever imagined or would have controlled and you’re actually blocking that from happening by staying in your comfort zone.

So I think the biggest thing is people get overwhelmed with is needing to be a massive step and I actually always say like the best things come from the smallest steps. Like whatever big picture is take one small step every day that gets you out of your comfort zone, whether it’s going to talk to someone really randomly and saying like hi just so that you can work that muscle and learn that it’s the correct behavior. So that your body learns that it’s a really good… but your condition you mind goes oh that went really well, I’m going to do that again. And I just think the greatest things come from when you step out of that comfort zone and the whole reason we stay there is that same voice that tells you you’re not enough, it is the same voice that tells you you can’t have what you dream of having, that keeps you stuck in that zone where you are. Yeah, I’m a big fan of the front of stepping out of comfort zone.

Control

Chloe: Yeah, totally. And I think you’ve really hit on something with that issue of control, and we little human beings you know… one of you know 7500000000 on a tiny planet in a massive universe think we can be in control of everything. Only we’re not in control, and it’s actually Ok to not be in control because somehow the planets keeps you know spinning.

Becki Rabin: Yeah.

Chloe: And the world keeps turning and if we can relax and tune into that, like amazing things can happen.

Becki Rabin: I’m the worst sometimes, I have to really check myself and go like you’re really trying to control all of the outcomes here, let go and just surrender. It is such a cliche word, but like just go and see what happens and whatever I’m not controlling, a situation is when the magic really happens. So I think the key is just awareness, notice yourself if you’re like scared to step into something, ask yourself why, and then once you notice that it’s actually I’m afraid that I might do really well at it or afraid that I might be seen, you can go actually no, like I’m going to do this and you’ve got to start making friends with that ego voice inside of you and just know that she’s just there to protect you not to hurt you. Protect you and when you know that, you kind of can work that muscle a little bit more .i

Chloe: It’s amazing, isn’t it? How there can be this theory of fear of failing but also fear of doing well. You’re like stuck in between, and are both terrible seemingly.

Fear of success

Chloe: Yeah, no I think they’re the same fear as well. They’re just the fear of being yourself, like the fear of success I think out weights of all the clients I’ve worked with and the people I’ve spoken to. I think there’s more people afraid of success than they are of failure. I don’t believe failure exists, like I would say what does failure even mean to you, and if they say to me like all well you know launching an event and only 2 people come on or starting a podcast and only 2 people listening, I’m like well isn’t that amazing that you’ve potentially like changed two people’s lives like we get so caught up in that how many that actually if you can change one person’s life that is such an amazing thing. It’s just what are you defining as failure, as if you’re reading a book this morning it’s actually the Course of Miracles but the made easy version.

And he talks about how he wrote a book and it was called like the Joy is My Compass and it did really badly, like it didn’t sell, they ended up not printing it, it wasn’t the bestselling book. And I kind of question why it was so bad and did I write it wrong or was it not meant to be, and then he said he got a letter from someone once and was like oh she stood up in event, and was like I always dreamed of opening up like an a toss because I was so passionate about helping people but I was stifled by fear, couldn’t do on your book was the sole thing that made me go out there, and go and do it. Thank you so much, and he was like I notice in that moment that even though my book failed technically to the outside world based on measures and achievement, I had to help someone create a space, like that if that was my only purpose with that book, then it was great.

So I think it’s more about redefining what failure means to who, by whose measures because we’re the only people setting that standard.

Chloe: That’s so true, isn’t it? Because everyone think I failed but what number of people have to come to make it, and often in our minds, it can be infinite. There’s no amount of books I could see that would make me feel successful in that mindset.

Becki Rabin: And who’s telling you, like who’s telling you it’s right or wrong, yes you can compare like your podcast listeners to someone else’s but it doesn’t… it’s not… that’s not really what you’re here for, you’re here to help people with your podcast and of course the more people it gets to the more people you help but yeah I definitely think the fear of our success and how amazing and like worthy and capable we are is probably one of the biggest things that I see. It’s sad.

Chloe: Yeah.

Becki Rabin: Yeah.

Chloe: What does it mean to get lit, how can we get lit?

What does it mean to get lit?

Becki Rabin: So I always say that like… I always start by telling people what it isn’t. I think we like being someone who’s lit up is essentially someone who is in tune with their intuition, they don’t wait for other people to approve of them, they’re not afraid to step into their power, they are not afraid to shine their light, they are trusting and you know what I do at my events? I ask people to tell me what it means to be lit before I even talk to them. And every single one of them always answers, you know trusting authentically ourselves, shining a light, like choosing love over fear, like they all know the answers but then never asking themselves the actual question or sitting with it. So I had this like vision of creating the get lit message for everyone. I remember saying to like my business coach I keep wanting to do something called Get lit. I don’t know where it’s come from but I just feel like it’s a very today kind of way of telling people to light up. To the people who maybe aren’t reading spiritual books or aren’t on any kind of pathway to like… you know they might believe there’s a little bit more out there or that they’re worthy of more but they don’t know how to start.

And so get lit, like has quite a few different meanings. So obviously with my business coaching clients I’m a lot like this is about you being visible, it’s about you stepping into power and being seen and increasing your impact in the industry but then for like our podcast listeners or the attendees and like the general message it’s like to be yourself and showing exactly who you are and who you want to be. So I always thought by telling people that like being lit isn’t about your like outwardly measures of success or how well you’ve been received by people or achievements or your qualifications or anything like that. It isn’t about what other people think of you, and it also isn’t about the things. I used to think that being lit was like having the best bag, having the best shoes, having the best clothes and all the design and things, that I still love designer things now.

But my self-worth doesn’t depend on it, so I use the kind of believe that if I had all of these things I would be lit, I was trying to be seen by everyone by the clothes I was wearing and I was trying to be seen by like building a business, and I was trying to be seeing but really I was actually hiding who I really was. And so it’s basically about being unapologetically yourself and whatever that means for you, shining that. Some people don’t want to step out and be seen by loads of people and that’s absolutely perfect too. Some people like to be introverted and stay where they are and kind of not be seen by a 100000 people but it’s about being seen as who you are and believing in yourself enough to like surround yourself with people who lit you up.

Do a job that you love, that you deserve. Everybody deserves a job that they love, and be with people that they love and just have a hobby that they love and a passion that they love. So yeah it’s quite a multi-dimensional meaning but it’s just essentially to just shine, whatever that looks like and fill yourself up from the inside. So I always say like you go flip your switch but it’s inside of you and it’s not from all of these outwardly things. So I used to wait for someone to come over and tell me oh you look amazing and it would like turn on my light on for a little bit and then as soon as they walk out the door I’d be looking for my next fix of that little bit of lightness. I also believe to really truly shine, we have to go to our shadows, we have to go to our dark places, like I am only doing my work now because I spent so many years hiding in my fear, not believing I was worthy, hating myself, self-doubting, talking to myself badly and it wasn’t until I looked back at that I realized that actually maybe that’s my purpose to help other people.

Often our purpose and our light kind of sits within those dark places and I don’t think you can really ever find your life without facing the dark, facing what you’re like avoiding and doing the work on yourself. And overcoming anything that’s like been a trauma for you, or hardship for you. So yes that is what get lit is.

Chloe: Amazing, I love that phrase being unapologetically yourself, I just love that, that’s really empowering to me. And I think when it comes to anxiety or you know people with depression, it comes down to their relationship with themselves, not feeling good enough, to not be able to feel that they’re okay, and I think if we can work to that level. So many other things kind of sort themselves out with us and in your professional life or relationships, but it is such an important key thing really.

Who are you?

Becki Rabin: And I don’t think people know who they are because they spend so much time thinking what they should or what other people are and looking outside of themselves, that they don’t. You know I remember writing down like what do I love doing, what makes me feel good, what writes me up and I didn’t, you know it sounds so cliché to be like you know helping others but I didn’t really know that that was what it was. I’ll never forget like one time where a girl gave me money for my like p.t. sessions and it came from her mom who was really unwell, she was I thought you’d really appreciate this and she gave it to me in an envelope that said like fun money and her mom had given it to her. So she’s like I thought you’d really appreciate me giving it to you from my mom, like she went to me I don’t want you to spend this on anything other than something that makes you feel amazing.

Like she was basically and I was like Ok cool, no worries. And just before I went to Australia I was like I kept trying to find things to spend this money on and I couldn’t, it was like cash, it was like 10 sessions where the p.t. just could not find anything. I was like glasses like I could buy them myself, I was like that doesn’t… and I realized that all those things I would have bought that I was like No, I promised… her mom was so ill, I was like I’m going to stick to this, and I couldn’t spend it and like stayed on my side for like 6 months and then her mom passed away sadly, and she was flying back to Australia and she was like come back for 2 weeks and I want to have one session with you.

You’re such a pivotal part of my growth, when I was in London. I want to have a session with you. So I go into the session with her and I wrote her called her s card, her mum had passed away, so it was I better write her a card just to like share my condolences and say sorry, I had this like over like overwhelming feeling of like oh my God, I know exactly what to do with this money. And I stand up to the session and I… and it was just came from nothing other than I wanted her mom to give her this gift back, and so I gave her the envelope back with all the money in and the note from her mom still and I was like This is from your mom and I just burst into tears, she burst into tears, it was the 1st time I really realized that nothing ever made me feel that good other than giving back to someone else. I was so surface level for so many years thinking that happiness came from all these things that was when I realized that it was about helping other. It was a really big change in my like whole like career at that time, big time.

Chloe: That’s so lovely. Yeah, I think you know as human beings it is almost an innate thing that is within all of us that we get the most meaning from being of service other people and helping other people. And modern life and consumerism and all these things have kind of convinced us that it is these surface things that are important and actually you know it’s getting back to that, and sometimes it takes there’s going through big challenges to get to that point, our own challenges and realizing we can come out on the other side. And that’s why you know as you said before a lot of kind of coaches and things have been through their own crap and come out of the other side and then think I want to help other people because I’ve been there.

Becki Rabin: Definitely.

Chloe: Do you have any kind of favorite tools or practices that you can share in terms of what people can be doing you know at home to help themselves with the things we’ve been discussing?

Becki Rabin: You know I like I have so many little tools in my bag but I kind of gal and I think I really have spent 2 years mastering like what works for me. I used to suffer really badly from I couldn’t sleep, like I used to get panic attacks all the time. I changed a lot of like my health and a lot of my daughter as well, unlike things like people who are quite driven or high achievers or people who want to stop business or whatever tend to be quiet like intense or like basically in flight or fight all the time, we’re kind of like go go go go go go go go go and so I so I started like implementing rituals. Really slowly but like I changed my whole morning, so when I was working full time. Now I’m like I don’t I start my day like never really before 10 that’s a choice.

I obviously well for myself, even when I was working full time I basically decided I used to get and run out the door and go to the gym at like 6 am before I then go to or commute to work. And so I switched it and I got up early and I spent an hour at home slowly starting my day. So I would meditate, I got really into meditation but I’m not a big meditator that goes like Deep, I tend to have about 10 minutes, I just breathe, like I think we kind of over complicate it or I just put on some nice music and I just breathe in and out as much as I can and I kind of just sit with it and that really helps me.

So I do that, and I journal quite a lot. I just ask myself how I’m feeling and often with business you know lots of fear comes up particular if you’re stepping out of a comfort zones, so I always say to myself like clients… and I still get myself like what is it that you’re afraid of in this particular moment what is scaring you from stepping out of your comfort zone here or what happened today and why did that happen and how did that make you feel and when I write, that’s kind of where my magic happens I just sometimes write things that I’m like wow when I read it back, I’m like did I write that and I just find it so therapeutic. What other things, do I have? A lot of it is like I talk myself quite a lot in my ahead, sometimes out loud. Some people would pass me by and be like what?

But I think a lot of the work that we talk about is Awareness is key, so you know even when I used to speak in some ways or thinks of things, like when I got clear about what I was doing, I say to people like write down all the things you’re afraid of for example what you call that power into you know what’s been holding you back so I always say life you can’t light up until you know what’s been telling you off like until you know it’s been tripping a fuse and who’s been tripping a fuse you can’t shine your light right. so I always tell people to start with getting aware of what their actions are, what their behaviors are, what their thoughts are. You know sometimes just awareness alone and just going oh I just did I’m going to stop and use again is like the May was the biggest change, you know like I used to my feet and my pinch my body and be like oh my God I must have just gone about 10 stone, and then when I made a conscious decision and a commitment to myself that I was going to change my what I brought awareness to it and I would literally stay to myself “you’re amazing, or you’re beautiful or whatever.”

And it just shifts your whole energy, and I think with business staff or with stepping out into your power, like this time last year I came home and I made myself a commitment, and I call it a lit statement, I wrote myself a commitment statement or lit statement in my phone and I wrote… so I started with what all my fear is and I wrote down all the things I was afraid of and all my limiting beliefs and all the negative words they I used and what I did was I turned into the positives, like created lit statements or lit formations, like the fear based ones and basically turned into like a 3 sentence Power Girl I read out to myself every day and I think that originally last year was like I’m committed to stepping into my power, I’m not afraid to be seen, I know that when I’m alone I light up all others and great things happened to me or something.

It was something along those lines and I read it myself every morning, 1st thing in the morning for 6 months and it was just unbelievable, like the change was just amazing because the more you tell yourself those things, the more you believe it and then you sit into that energy and this year Mine’s a lot more like I’m going to move and trust from a place of peace and clarity and calmness because I’m quite often like go go go. And so it changes, and I think that’s the key is to kind of be aware that we’re always evolving and whatever your like focus might be right now, doesn’t mean that that’s going to be a focus is 6 months time. So yeah I think the biggest thing was a commitment statement to myself and I said it out loud to myself every single day, that change so much for me.

I was just telling myself I was worthy and I was going to be aware, change my words and choose again, like it really helped.

Chloe: That was such a powerful word I think, just the act of having some intention behind what you’re going into the day with and you know saying what you say to yourself is so important. And just knowing the direction that you’re going in, and just remind yourself every day, you know it doesn’t have to take long to do that, but it can so powerful.

Becki Rabin: And everyone’s will be different, like some of the girls that like I’ve coached, they do the same and they realize that she they were afraid of being seen too, and so that became theirs. And some are just literally like I choose to show up today with like confidence, and energy, and positivity, and help one person today, like it completely be whatever it would relate back to what your fears are, what’s been holding you back from stepping out and I think that’s the 1st exercise. I would like invite anyone to do is write down what they have been doing that’s been holding them back. What behaviors do they do, how do they self sabotage, like do they judge people a lot? I always say like what’s been keeping your light off? In like events I say to people like behavior is that one of the biggest things as well.

So I noticed I always took the piss out people, always joked about people or joke about myself, because I didn’t want to be taken seriously. That was my way of like hiding or procrastinate, so whenever I know I was on to something good, like whether it be planning at event or when I was thinking of when I was literally planning out what get lit meant, the whole message, my 1st ever event was about that, and I procrastinated so I found everything possible to do that I had wanted to touch. I toured my cupboards, like cleaned out my house, I was like I hate doing this stuff and then I got clear, like it was the awareness Becki you do this every time you’re about to shine your light, you stop yourself, so yeah getting really clear about what’s been holding you back as well is so key.

Chloe: I think you’re so right about the awareness, it is amazing how all these you know patterns can run in the background and we’re not even aware that’s what’s happening or realizing this is a problem and then somebody shine light on it and that’s going to be enough to change, that sometimes it doesn’t need to be so complicated, it’s just spending that time to do that practice that you just described and get clear on what’s holding you back and what your fear are.

Becki Rabin: 100 %, so you’re so right, it is sometimes literally shining your light on it, saying it and going oh the work is done. Sometimes you might need to remind yourself resay the words but sometimes that she just drawing attention to it, the work’s done already your mind completely changes and how it wants to behave like if you like this every time you do it.

Chloe: What is your relationship with social media like these days? I’ve been asking a lot of people this question?

Social media

Becki Rabin: Goodness you know what, I’ve always been really conflicting with this because as someone who has like a degree in social media marketing basically, I think it’s the most incredibly powerful tool for brands, for people, for people with a message, like it’s just so powerful and it’s so wonderful in so many ways like my group coaching community for example, I have seen that grow purely just on social media I wouldn’t be able to do my work if it wasn’t for social media, and I’ve seen people become best of friends through that community, sharing each other’s work on social media, collaborating with one another.

So I think it’s really powerful but my personal relationship with it has really changed, I don’t know whether it’s I’ve got to a certain age and I’ve been part of my life for so long that I’m just a bit exhausted. And I also like when I’m coaching clients particularly when they are new in the industry, I’m like you’ve got to show up, you’ve got to show up, you’ve got to be there. I spent 2 years on Instagram and on the social media world but reaching out, connecting and using it for all it’s positivity, but I think we can get so caught up in being something on social media that we forget to be ourselves outside of it or we forget to live life, or there has been so many experiences that even when I was in that depth in Australia, you know I always say to people, I was at like one of those magical places in the world and what I was thinking about was what photo I was going to get and how that was going to go on Instagram, instead of taking in this incredible experience and I think it’s being mindful with social media. I show up way less on social media now, kind of show up say a podcast has gone Live and then I remove myself again, because I decided at the beginning of this year that I wanted to focus on my community more so people I’m working with wants one to one or any of our clients or anything, I want to be there for them all and every time I think of a caption for 20 minutes as 20 minutes I haven’t been able to be with that person.

But I do think when you kind of driven by purpose again and meaning, social media becomes a much easier place. I kind of removed anyone that was triggering me. Have just built such a healthy relationship with it, that now I go on and I see the beauty and I share what i need to say and then I kind of get off it but I think a lot of people think that to be successful in business you have to have a huge social media following, particularly starting up and I just don’t believe it at all, so I think if you’re doing the right what can you’re showing up in all the way social media is an amazing additional tool rather than the business, I think that’s what a lot of people can kind of get ready confused by.

So I’ve always been in 2 minds with it, love it for so many reasons. And then also I think it can really lead people the wrong way, and focus on the wrong things. So I think it’s being mindful with it, but yeah I use it way less, I don’t know if that’s what other people are saying.

Chloe: Yeah it’s a good position to be. I think it can take over and I was talking to Shane Avachi early this morning and she said there’s an app that she uses to block apps and need to you get the name of that. So you download an app and you can’t go on Instagram, I was you know like I need it, so text after.

Becki Rabin: Wow, I remember I had 5 days off it, I do it all the time now, but I think it was the 1st time I decided that I need to spend less time, when it took 5 days off there and I just put it into another. I think I deleted the app from my phone, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up my phone and I was like talking someone I’d like pick up my phone my thumb just went to where it was and I was like oh my god it’s like it’s not even a thought process anymore just a habit. So you know what I don’t do, I don’t really scroll anymore, I kind of show up, see what my friends are doing, what my like peers are doing, support them and then I leave. So I don’t spend hours scrolling anymore, so the screen time tells you that, yeah that’s scary.

Chloe: Because I’ve had a few retreats I’ve been on this year where I’ve had breaks of like one or 2 weeks from no email, no whatsapp or anything, and I’ve learned that life doesn’t end, there were no disasters or things that I need to know about, actually the world carries on turning and I don’t need to be you know checking in on these things quite so often. So that has helped to reset me, I think in some ways it’s quite helpful.

Becki Rabin: I think we get caught up when our job is helping people, we worry that if we don’t show up for a bit on the platforms, that our businesses are going to fail, or people are going to think that we’re doing our job, and we kind of almost get rid of I feel like sometimes I have to reply to every single d.m. from someone asking me questions, I think you have to put your boundaries up. I haven’t ever done a week with no e-mails, and no social media. I’ve done no social media I can handle that I find it really hard to not look at one emails and really detached, that something I’m going to challenge myself to this year for sure.

Chloe: I saw recently another coach posting that she was giving up e mails and I’m just going to have teams do all the emails, and asking her questions, I’m like considering that, that’s quite appealing to me. I write the contents for my email.

Becki Rabin: For like the newsletter to go out, I wrote them but my team do all the bits around and sometimes now particularly the group coaching community, the girls just know my tone of voice and they write it for me and I’m Ok it. But replying to emails I’ve got way better at no point everyone. Sorry if anyone ever gets annoyed but I really like don’t reply to a lot of emails now unless they’re like what like I have the capacity to. Yeah, because I used to be really like also one of those people that had to reply straight away, otherwise I’d get anxiety if left them there. And so I’ve really tried to like work around that but now I’m desperate, I’m going to… I’m definitely going to do like a complete no work week or 2 maybe, just switch off.

Chloe: Yeah I think we all need that digital detox of some kind. Becki thank you so much for sharing, all that you shared, you’ve been so generous with what you’ve shared with us. Where can people find more about you and what you’re doing what you’re offering at the moment.

Becki Rabin: We have the get lit website, so that’s just getlit.co.uk. And then I have my own BeckiRabin.com. And then where can we show up? So we’re hosting an event in March, I’m not sure how long if there will be tickets left when this was out.

Chloe: What date is it?

Becki Rabin: 28th of March. Which is all going to be about the focus of the event is going to be like bravery, overcoming fear, stepping out of your comfort zone, you don’t have to have a business or even want to have your own business, it’s just about becoming a more motivated and like lit up self essentially. I have a podcast which is at the moment just solo episode, so I just host this. It is called the get lit with Becki Rabin Podcast, it’s sort of has episodes and I do live coaching calls as well with clients, they can call in and also ask question, and we’re just going to start doing guest episode now, it’s like there is I mean people I want to speak to. And then yeah on social media Becki Rabin, and then yeah if you are someone who is looking to step into the entrepreneurial like realm, particularly in the wellness industry or you already you are a coach, then I have my group coaching community which is good to “get lit click.”

So it’s a business coaching community, membership is $25.00 pounds a month. And in there you kind of get access to a community of like minded people, so there’s like 200 people in there, that have been in the same position as you and everyone’s just like, you know you’re going to message someone and they can go for coffee, like I see them all the time having lunches and branches together, and some of them become like lifelong friends, which is if anything, I’m so glad I set out for that. Yeah you know what is the least important part, not important part but when I sent it up, it was like you’re going to a Facebook group, like I didn’t realize the power of it.

And actually most people when they give us feedback, I’m like I mean it because of the community I don’t even use the resources, and then you also get access to like called the members lounge. So on there is like tons of master classes, workshops, webinars on how to build a business, like find your niche, know your audience, create socially strategy. Literally everything, built like start a podcast, build a membership program, we kind of cover it all. So yeah that’s me, that’s where you can find me.

Chloe: Amazing, thank you so much.

Becki Rabin: Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.

Outro: Thank you so much for listening, I really hope that you gained a lot from this episode. Come on over to Instagram and let me know what are you taking from this episode, find me Chloe Brotheridge and I would love it if you would leave me a review in the podcast app or on i-Tunes. Subscribe to the podcast or leave me a rating and is there someone in your life that would really benefit from this podcast, you can let them know by sharing this podcast ,I’ll be so so grateful. So I’m just wishing you a wonderful week ahead, sending loads of love, Hopefully you’ll tune in again and see you soon.

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