Anxiety

Ep 92. Healing Trauma with Nicky Clinch

March 9, 2020

Nicky Clinch is a Maturation Coach &  Facilitator. Maturation is a process of growing out of who you thought you were into who you were born to be. Her mission in life is for you to break free of the confines of your past traumas, self-defeating patterns and suffering so that you can realise and come […]

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I'm a coach and hypnotherapist who helps people to create work life balance, quiet the inner critic and become their calmest and happiest selves. 

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Nicky Clinch is a Maturation Coach &  Facilitator. Maturation is a process of growing out of who you thought you were into who you were born to be.

Her mission in life is for you to break free of the confines of your past traumas, self-defeating patterns and suffering so that you can realise and come home to who you truly are.

We chat about:

  • Nicky shares her tag on anxiety (it’s not your usual perspective and I love it)
  • How we can heal trauma
  • Nicky shares her powerful story of transformation through plant medicines
  • Why she scrapped 50,000 words of her book to start from scratch

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Transcript

Introduction

Chloe: Hello, and welcome to the Calmer You podcast. This is your host Chloe Brotheridge, I’m a coach, a hypnotherapist, and I’m the author of “the anxiety solution and brave new girl,” and this podcast is all about helping you to become your calmest, happiest and most confident self. In this episode, I’m talking to the wonderful Nicky Clinch, and Nicky is such a special person, she came over to my house to recall this episode, we actually live quite close to one another in London, in Hackney, East London. And we sat together on the sofa, and I honestly felt like this conversation was so healing for me, and it really came at the right time for me personally and I really hope it helps here as well.

Nicky is a transformational leader and facilitator, she has studied integrative counseling and macrobiotics, she is also a spiritual mentor and it’s her mission in life to help all of us to break free from the confines of our past traumas, ourselves defeating patterns, and our suffering. So that we can realize and come home to who we are. So Nicky and I get into lots different topics, we start off by talking about trauma and how it can be the root of so many of our issues and how we can start to overcome the traumas that held us back. Nicky gives us her take on anxiety and where that comes from and what we can do to start to manage our own anxiety.

healing

And Nicky advice definitely isn’t the standard 3 tips to curing anxiety something that you might read day-to-day, it really does go very very deep and it’s very very powerful. She shares some really moving personal stories about how she’s healed her own trauma, how own experience of plant medicines, her own transformation and how she helps other people to transform. She also shares the incredible story about how she was 50000 words into writing her book, she had publishing deal with Hey house and how she actually scrapped the whole 50000 words and went on a different path and this is incredible for me, as someone who has written a book to let go of 50000 words, that’s just terrifying to me.

So I love this story with Nicky, it was incredibly inspiring. So I would love to send some free resources to help you grow your confidence, boost your self-esteem and calm your anxiety, if you want these freebies you can head over to my website; calmeryou.com/free, put your email address in there and I’ll send you those freebies right away. So let’s get into the interview with Nicky clinch.

Nicky Clinch: So we’re rolling.

Chloe: Ok, welcome Nicki.

Nicky Clinch: Thank you, thank you so much Chloe for having me on here, this is the 2nd time I’ve been on your podcast and I was thinking earlier, how much has changed since when you 1st interviewed me, not just in myself but also what’s happening in the world right now. So I feel really happy to be back, thank you for having me.

Chloe: Amazing. Yeah I obviously follow you online and we’ve had some discussions back and forth on Instagram, and I knew I had to speak to you again. I was so intrigued by the things that you were sharing and we started talking about trauma and anxiety, and where anxiety comes from. Can you speak a little bit about your take on anxiety, and what you see you know as the struggles that people have with that.

Nicky’s take on anxiety

Nicky Clinch: Yeah, I think the 1st thing I want to say is that I find it really useful to start naming it for what it really is, because I think anxiety has become this blanket term for this experience that happens inside of us which creates all this tension, and stress, and internal conflict, but really what anxiety is – it’s fear, it’s deeply rooted fear in the body, and that 1st naming it for what it is allows us to really start to see it as an emotion that is happening inside of us that we can start to have a relationship with. Now, what are we fearful about, what is it that is causing so many people to carry so much fear inside.

There are different reasons obviously for everyone on a personal level. But really I think what happens is is that you know 1st I need to say that every single one of us our natural state, our natural essence is wholeness we all our authentic state of being is wholeness. We all are perfectly whole and complete, we are all enough, everybody is enough exactly as you are, that’s your natural state. Now anything else on top of that, any kind of discord, any kind of conflict, any kind of separation is not who you are, these are behaviors and patterns, and habits, and strategies, survival strategies, that we have learned and why do we learn them? We learn them as a result of some kind of trauma so trauma.

What is trauma

Trauma can mean many things, it’s not always what we see in the movies where you know you’ve been through some horrible abuse or there’s been some violence. Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what is happening inside of you. So trauma can be anything from watching your dog get hit by a car or your doll falling out of the pram, and you’re trying to communicate it with your mom but she can’t understand you and she rolls off with the pram and you left the doll behind it can be anything it’s not about what happened it’s about what happens inside of you while what happens now in those moments where some form of original pain or some form of a original shock that happens inside of us. It’s like something starts to split, there’s like a split between the mind and the body, that starts to occur.

And that’s like the original point of separation from this wholeness that we are, the mind becomes really active, and then the body is going through these emotional experiences and there’s this separation between the mind and the body. Now anxiety, in my opinion, is our way of trying to cope with feeling that original pain. And so we experience all this fear and it’s normally fear about worrying about something that we can’t control, worrying about the future that doesn’t exist yet or worrying about something in the past that we can’t change. And so then we get into these perpetual cycles of internal conflict about things that we have no control over. And then it just goes round, and round, and round, and round and round and it’s happening inside the body and the mind.

trauma

And we can’t do anything about it because firstly we don’t know what it really is, but also you know we’re focusing on all these things that we can’t change. You know when you wake up and I know a lot of your audience suffer from this and I have too, when you wake up and you just have this incredible tightness in your body and you are just full of panic and fear, you don’t know why. And then you start thinking about what you can’t control, what’s about to happen, what’s going to happen, what’s the worst is going to happen in the future and everything’s going to fall apart or about something from the past.

Feeling the fear

Now, if we can slow down enough to start to really be present with what is happening in the body, that’s where the emotional experience is taking place, it’s in the body, not the mind. If we can slow down enough to be present with what’s happening in the body to actually start to feel the fear, call it for what it is. Feel the Fear, not easy but we can do it, and then feel whatever pain is there. When we feel something fully, a 100 percent, it passes and we have the ability to start releasing this tension that we’re carrying, this shock that’s in body. So at the root of anxiety is some form of pain, original pain that we’re not able to feel.

Chloe: So many people were afraid just to feel that anxiety and I had someone describe once that overthinking and worrying is actually a way that we distract ourselves from the feeling, that you’re busy thinking, and it’s our way of trying to control whatever it is we’re feeling to get away from it.

Nicky Clinch: You know as human beings we’re incredibly… we’re actually incredibly smart beings, so you know we will always find ways or strategies to try and cope, because essentially what we’re all trying to do is we’re trying to survive, every single human being is trying to survive because if we don’t we’re not going to be able to be here. So if you think about it, we come up with all these strategies to try and survive and when pain is there, our response is to try and survive because we think if we feel it’s going to kill us or we’re going to die, it’s going to weaken us, we won’t be able to cope, we won’t be able to handle it.

And so we come up with all these survival strategies, like obsessive thinking projecting about things that we can’t control. Completely obsessively focusing on our partner, or on food, or alcohol, or money, or on our bodies, and all of these behaviors and patterns are survival strategies because we’re trying to cope with pain. Now, most of the time we’re getting just caught and stuck in the survival strategy, and we never really ever get to the point where we get to actually start to meet their pain and we get stuck in the strategy, it’s like living on a hamster wheel, you’re just going round and round and round and round and round and then you try and find other strategies to cope with this strategy and then more strategies and it’s literally like going around on a wheel which is why we experience such forms of suffering.

Slowing down

You know if we can stop the wheel, get off the wheel and actually start to feel what is at the core of this. It can… that is healing, that’s what healing is, it is when we actually stop and we feel what’s really there now that’s not easy. But everybody is able to do it, if we are held in the right way, if we work with the right people, and if we slow down enough, you notice how everything’s moving faster like we’re now living in a world that it’s almost like even time is going faster. Everything is moving faster than ever before, and there’s never been more addiction, there’s never been more anxiety, there’s never been more problems with mental health, people are moving so fast because the if we keep moving fast then maybe we don’t have to feel what’s really going on inside of us.

If we can slow down, really slow down and start to commit to being with what’s there, rather than in the distraction, that is the beginning of healing, real-real healing.

Chloe: I hear from so many people that they think that life is going so quickly, and it’s not a good feeling to think that life is passing you by and that actually where we’re stuck in patterns that we’re not really working throw and we’re just distracted by being busy or filling our days with lots and lots of things. So I mean if that sounds like slowing down and feeling the anxiety, feeling the feelings is what can start to help us to heal that trauma.

Nicky Clinch: Well, again let’s change the word anxiety with fear, feeling the fear because then it’s a natural feeling word. You know anxiety is not an emotion, it’s a name that has being given to a cool or whole series of patterns that connect together, fear leading to obsessive thinking, leading to tension in the body, like it’s a whole pattern that plays out but if we can actually nail the emotion which is fear then at least we know what we need to come and have a relationship with.

Yeah, and I think what you said about people, we’re just sort of running around in this hamster wheel, we were talking earlier before we started recording about is it possible to feel better. Or are we born with this, you should ask the question.

Chloe: Yes, well I thought we were talking about this in dm online about how much of a role, you know the body that we’re born in has a role on how much fear we experience and are we almost resigned some of us to feeling that way for the rest of our lives because of our genetics or because of certain reasons or is it actually possible to overcome that.

Nicky Clinch: Well, It is possible to overcome it and the reason being is that what we carry in the body and the habits that we have and the behaviors that we have and the beliefs that we have, all of this… and this may be controversial to say but I’m going to say it all of it is inherited, nothing of that is original. We inherit every single bit of ideas, belief systems, stories, every single bit of programming in our mind has been inherited either from our family, or from society, or from teachers, or education, everything has been inherited. Now that is exactly the same thing about our emotional responses and also any kind of trauma that we’re carrying in the body, we inherit it.

ayahuasca

Now in a way that’s good news because if we inherit it it’s not who we are and it’s not ours. Now what does that say? That says that that if we’re carrying something that is not ours, then who are we without it, that there is a you and me without all of this that we’ve inherited, which means we can come home to it we can come back to it. But we don’t get reminded enough that who we really are are not these patterns, and beliefs, and ideas, and stories, and pain, and trauma, that we’re all suffering with, they’re what we’re carrying, but they’re not who we are.

Wholeness and healing

So yeah, the answer is we can come back, we can come home to a place of wholeness, essentially that is our destiny as human beings is to evolve and come home to who we really are. And that is really what healing is. I’m writing a book at the moment and the very 1st line of the book says the word whole is essentially from the same root as the word heal, or the word heal is from the same root as whole, but until you have healed you only see it as a whole as in like an empty whole but when you have healed you can experience, it as whole as in the wholeness. And when we really really heal what that means is that we come back to a place of wholeness.

What I think is happening is that as human beings, we don’t get reminded of this. So we’ve forgotten it, we don’t know that this is our central state, our authentic state of being, and we get into a cycle of just trying to feel better. We’re in a survival cycle, this is how is, this is who I am, this is what I have to cope with, so let me find as many strategies as I can to try and feel better while I’m coping with it. And the problem with that is that feeling bad is very conditional. We’ll feel better for a moment or a month or maybe 2 months if we’re lucky, but then eventually we always seem to come back to the same place, to the same feeling of unworthiness, the same feeling of fear, or the same feeling of mistrust, or the same original pain.

And so then we try and find another strategy, maybe now if I eat better, maybe now if I find a new man, maybe now if I change my job, and that makes us feel better for a while, and then eventually it starts to wear off, and we find ourselves back in the same. And this is what starts to create the resignation, Oh there’s no way out of this, I can’t, or we just keep being a perpetual search for feeling better. Now, for me, do we really just want to feel better, do we want to heal do we want to feel better or do we want to be free.

I have an amazing story and I think this would be a really good time to share it. My mentor my teacher David Norris, he leads transformational programs or he did anyway, for 50 years all over the world. He’s getting on now and he’s kind of passing everything on to me, but he used to take transformational programs into high correctional prisons in North America.

And so he was walking through the cell block in Jackson State Prison in Michigan, which is one of the most high security prisons in America, literally the most dangerous criminals in that prison and he’s walking through the cellblocks and he’s being shown to the workshop room, as you can imagine just like in movies there’s like cell block cell block cell block like multiple floors of cell got blocks and that’s all there is all around you. And as he’s walking through he stops and he notices one cellblock and he stops in his tracks because he looks in and pasted on every single wall of this cell block is wallpaper that looks like a forest, like being in the forest. You know if you’ve seen it before it’s like green and it’s like you’re in the middle of the forest and it’s pasted on every single wall of the cell.

And the guards tell him that the inmate in that cell, is in for life, like I mean life with no parole, he will be there until he dies. And David carries on walking and he realizes, wow, that inmate is just trying to make it better. He’s doing whatever he can to make it better but he’s not free. And that’s what we’re all doing, we’re trying to feel better, thinking that’s all there is but it’s not all there is because we can be free and that would mean coming home to our wholeness. So the answer is yes we can but we have to change our thinking and change our perception from trying to just feeling bad to actually wanting to heal.

Chloe: I just got Goosebumps there when you said… Wow, it’s interesting isn’t it because almost the idea of healing, of having to go through actually dealing with your stuff almost doesn’t seem appealing, I always think I’ll book an holiday to an island and I feel better after a month and then I can go back to my stressful job or you know the internal stress that keeps bubbling up. And actually to make the decision to be right, I’m probably going to do the harder thing to start to heal.

Nicky Clinch: Well I would say it’s not the easy journey, but actually nowadays I’ve come to realize that the harder journey is to be on the hamster wheel. And I guess because I’m now at the stage where I have experienced the wholeness, so I know what’s on the other side and I promise you that there is light through the other side of this but the only way through is through, there ain’t no other way about it. But you know I think what’s happening on a collective level, if you’ve noticed it we seem to be in a time on our planet where there is also more shadow more troubles more major-major issues starting to show themselves but at the same time there is this huge mass awakening happening of healing consciousness.

Collective healing

And I don’t… that’s not a coincidence it’s happening now because it is what is needed for us to really heal as a planet and as a collective species as human beings. You know what’s happening on our planet is also what’s happening in human beings, so you know I think you know everybody I’m speaking to everybody whether they’re in doing the healing work or not is being triggered like crazy right now, or they’re being forced to face things that they couldn’t face before or maybe their health is really being at the worse place than ever before. Everybody is now being challenged to the point now more than ever because it’s time for us to heal as a collective which is why there’s so many more healers stepping up, which is why there’s so many people going into training to become healers because there is a big calling right now for us to do the real work because it’s needed for us as a collective. This turned into a bigger conversation than I thought.

Chloe: It’s big [laughter]

Plant Medicine

I wanted to have that discussion with you about medicine retreats because both you and I were discussing this online, I just got back from spending a month on 2 different retreats in South America and, you, I think, have done a couple of those as well. Can you share about what impact that has had on you. Just sum it off in a short sentence.

Nicky Clinch: Like the biggest healing of my life. Well, 10 years ago was the 1st time I went to the jungle to work with plant medicine and it was at a time in my life I had already been clean from my addictions for 10 years and I was feeling better, perfect story. I was feeling better but yet I kept coming back to the same problems, I was in a relationship that was very unloving. I always seem to find myself in situations where I was feeling… where I would end up back feeling unworthy, not enough, unlovable, it didn’t matter what I kept trying to do, I couldn’t ever quite feel worthy or good enough. And so I stumbled upon someone talking to me about ayahuasca retreats and then all of a sudden it was just everywhere, everywhere I went people started to be about ayahuasca and what they say is that when the plants are calling you suddenly just hear about her everywhere. I say her because she’s known to have a female spirit but there’s also a masculine energy in the plant too. So I then booked this trip to go out to the jungle on my own for 5 weeks, really brave went into the jungle and I apprenticed and I worked with a shaman for 5 weeks, and I dieted plants for 5 weeks and I worked with Ayahuasca for 5 weeks, it was… until my recent trip the most intense 5 weeks of my life, hardcore, hardcore.

Spiritual training is what I would say, and healing at the time I did get a big amount of healing but I didn’t quite understand why, it was just a whole load of really difficult ceremonies, really really painful. I didn’t get any of those really beautiful golden light moments, it was just a lot of purging and uncomfortableness. What it gave me is I came home and I left that unloving relationship, and I started to really change real patterns that have been destructive for me in my life and I very quickly found myself working with transformation, which is now what I do in my work, I qualified as a counselor, I started showing up for my life in a way that I used to sabotage everything. So that was 10 years ago, I did then return to the jungle in July last year and to this moment it has been the most profoundly healing time of my life.

Oh what can I say about it, Ayahuasca took me… and this comes back to trauma. Ayahuasca took me to points within me where the original trauma had happened, you know I realized when I was in the jungle that even though I’m successful, my business is doing well and I have everything that I said I wanted, I have the House and the kids and the husband and running my business, and I realized in the jungle that I’m always I’ve always been carrying this kind of energy about survival which always leads me to work and not quite rest enough not quite take care of myself well enough. I’m always putting other people above me I’ll take on more clients than I really can.

And while I was out there, I realized that I’ve always been carrying this kind of perpetual state of anxiety or survival in me and this fear that something bad is going to happen or I’m not going to be taken care of. And came up in one of my 4th ceremonies. So I’d already done quite a lot of work and I asked ayahuasca to show me my calling, show me my soul’s calling. And very very quickly as soon as I drank the medicine, she took me back to what was one of the most scariest experiences I’ve ever had to be in. All I could feel was absolute deep levels of terror, I was so frightened, it was like fear was coming in and out of every pore of my whole body, I was so terrified, it was black, I couldn’t quite speak and I almost shouted out for help for the shaman. What kept going through my head was please don’t let me die, please don’t let me die, please don’t let me die.

And then all of the sudden I realized that I was back in my mother’s womb. And then I realized what was really happening. When my mother was carrying me she went through some really big trauma very very big trauma and she almost died. And what I never realized is when she went through that trauma and I was in her womb I felt everything, and as she was almost dying I almost died. Now ayahuasca took me back to that moment, and when I was saying in my mind please don’t let me die please don’t let me die that was actually what I was feeling in the original moment. And God she made me feel it I had to feel the fear that moved through me I had to feel all the panic all the feeling of out of control, I had no control over what was happening, I was just a little fetus in her womb, and then I had to feel it all until I came out the other side.

And it was so profound when I came out the other side, I just felt so much peace. Like my whole body just felt peace, and I just felt so much energy moved through me and I just felt light and then I started crying and grieving and releasing all this emotion. And I realized, then she said to me this is your calling is to remind people of this of the light, of who they are, of this wholeness of, to take them home back to this place of wholeness and it was just so… it was remarkable, actually it is the first time that I’ve ever talked about it publicly. Now here’s the amazing thing, I came home after that and it was like something I had been carrying inside of me for 40 years and it was gone. And I haven’t felt it since, and when something you have been carrying for 40 years inside of you that has literally colored your whole world, everything became different. Like I came home and I have all these moments and I was like oh my God who chose this life, like who actually chose this marriage, who chose this life, who was this person before this.

And so I then had to go through a real big process of healing with my marriage and my life and making big changes, it led me to change the book that I was writing, it led to all these big changes because I realize so much that the person that I was living as before was the one that was traumatized. And now what is it like to build my life from this place of wholeness and that’s really where I am now. So God the plants have this ability to take you to places. It’s not easy but take you to places of real core original trauma, and heal on every possible level. It’s extremely powerful.

Chloe: That’s amazing-amazing story, I know that before I had drunk ayahuasca I had this cognitive idea of what it meant to kind of feel feelings and sort of understand on a mental level which is not very very deep understanding for this that we need to feel something, that we actually push things away, but actually in the medicine I had this experience of noticing all the moments in my life where I’ve pushed my emotions way. I pushed things down, didn’t feel things. And you do, it’s a very common experience that you get forced to kind of feel everything basically, and you feel it in your body and it’s like the most full bodied emotion that you can have.

Permission to feel 100%

Nicky Clinch: Yes, with no escape, like 100 percent feeling. And here’s the thing, we can do that even without plant medicine. If we give ourselves permission to feel an emotion 100 percent, it moves. it passes, that’s why the plants take us there. That’s what happened for me. I felt all the fear that I had been trying to get away from my whole life, and she made me feel it. And now it’s gone, and we can do that in our life now.

You know when this sadness is there, instead of judging the sadness, making it mean that we’re weak or then trying to distract ourselves, what if we actually felt sad and really felt it with real full permission, then we can release it, we don’t need to drink plant medicine to do this, we’re capable of doing this but we don’t get taught how to feel. We think I’m sad or I’m angry but we don’t feel it which has to happen in the body.

Chloe: Absolutely. You touched on changing your book. It’s a different topic, I’m really curious about this now.

Nicky Clinch: Well, actually it’s a great story to tell because any of you who already know me you’ll know that my whole brand was based on this: The warrior woman. I’ve done challenges and I’ve done programs on being your warrior woman finding your most empowered warrior woman and then my book I got signed by Hay House to write a book called warrior woman. And then I went to the freaking jungle, and everything changed and I came home. And I realized that the warrior woman was my way of trying to cope with trauma, I had to become the warrior woman to cope with everything that I had been through in my life.

And that was all about surviving pain, it wasn’t really about my power. And so I was writing this book that Hay House had signed me to write called Warrior Woman which was aligned with my brand and I was 50000 words into the book and it just felt wrong. I was like this doesn’t feel right anymore. I feel emotional talking about it, I feel like I’m bullshitting, I feel like a fake, this isn’t right, it doesn’t feel aligned. And then I sent it to my editor and I said I have to tell you something feels really off but I need you to read it and then I need to meet with you. And she read it and she got her associate to read it and then we met and she said exactly what I knew she was going to say, she said Nicky something’s not right. You’re not dropping to that deep deep place that I know that you can teach from, something isn’t right and I just broke down in tears and I just said this is not the book I meant to write. I’m really sorry it doesn’t feel right anymore, it doesn’t feel authentic anymore.

“I don’t know how to do this”

I literally have the most amazing editor on the planet, I’ve manifested the most amazing editor, she just said to me Nicky all I care about is that you write the book you were born to write. You’re clearly going through a huge point of transformation, let’s extend your release date by 6 months and take off all the pressure of what this is meant to look, even takeout the title. All I want is for you to write the book you were born to write. I went home that night and I literally cried all night and I said to my husband I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I don’t know how to do this. As soon as we allow ourselves to say those words, and this goes for everyone, I don’t know how to do this. Something happens, like a moment of humility, a moment of surrender.

I meditated on it the next morning, and I swear just like that, in my meditation, the book that I was meant to write came to me. I finished the whole outline in one day, I sent it to my editor and she was like holy cow how do you do this in just 24 hours. And so now I’m 20000 words into that book, and every word I write feels right, it’s landing, landing, landing. And it is about walking the reader out of this hamster wheel way of living, to live beyond this story, to live beyond these strategies and really get a sense of all wholeness again, that’s what the book is about.

Chloe: That’s fascinating and it’s so interesting. You’re talking about how you know this warrior woman was your brand, we all have probably until we’re healed a kind of a story of ourselves that we create, whether that’s a brand or whether that’s just the narrative that is kind of infused in our life, that is based on our trauma quite often. You know it’s not actually real, the kind of persona that we put on, although sometimes it might be a kind of victim kind of complex that we have or the ego you know. So it sounds like it almost might be when you heal a bit like disabling because suddenly the whole story that you’ve been telling us our whole life, is not actually really like that. It wasn’t actually true, yeah it’s like who am I right now.

Nicky Clinch: Yeah, and real transformation can only really happen in the moment that we’re willing to ask ourselves “who am I?” Whe we are ready to ask that then we’re really ready to heal because everybody says they want to feel better and everybody says… if I ask anybody do you want to become your most empowered free-self, everybody will say yes immediately, without really knowing what that means without really realizing that to do that we have to then let go of a lot.

Letting go

To really heal we have to start letting go, letting go of the strategies that have kept, we’ve coped with our whole life, you know my process has been 20 years of letting go. You know when I came into recovery for addiction, letting go of the survival strategies I used to cope with any feeling or my addictions, and then as I went on letting go of all the protection, and the defenses and the part of me that felt like I had to be strong all the time. And then now letting go of this part that I always had to be superwoman and to survive pain, like all our healing in letting go, and so yeah there is a process of having to release, and it can feel dis-stabling.

But you know through the storm there is the other side there is the light, we have to row so far from the shore in order to find new waters. We have to be willing to do that. We don’t have to, it’s a choice. But I think what I would like to say is the other side is something so remarkably fulfilling and meaningful. I get to see women really come home to themselves again. And it is a coming home. It’s not finding a new version of themselves, it’s like they’ll say to me wow I feel like finally I’m more me than I’ve ever been before. And I’ve always been that. It doesn’t have to be this big treacherous trek through the Sahara, like it can be moments of real authenticity and healing, and with that you start to feel healing in every aspect. You know you feel more connected to people, your partners, your children, your work, to nature, to the world around you and it affects everything.

So you know in macrobiotics which is one part of my training, they have this wonderful phrase where they say with every back there’s a front, and the bigger the back the bigger the front. And you know you do the work that you can imagine, sometimes the bigger the back the bigger the front, you know you do the big work and then poof the rewards that you get afterwards are just bigger than you could even imagine. You get to feel peaceful. For me that’s everything, that’s worth everything.

Helping people come home to themselves

Chloe: Can you talk about your process when you’re working with people, how do you help people to come home to themselves?

Nicky Clinch: Yeah, well you know I have quite a unique amalgamations of training, so I’ve trained in Chinese medicine. I’ve worked very much with the energy system in the body and also how emotions are energy, and emotions get stuck in the body as stagnant or stuck or blocked in the body, trauma gets stuck in the body too. And then in my ontological work in transformation it really very much about how our belief systems and our programming and the stories that run through the mind, how much we identify with them. So I bring both the mind and the body work together, and the work that I do when someone comes to work with me in 121 work. It’s always very unique for each human being. We first identify what is the story that is now living this person’s life.

You know that whole story of survival, the whole story of a nobody listens to me, the whole story of goodness isn’t for me, it’ll play out over and over and over again, no matter what you try and change. Now my job is to identify what it is within them and then start to bring awareness with how it’s living every part of their life and then take them back to the point of the original. I suppose that is pain so I work in regression where I take them into the body. The body always knows. If we can shut the mind often enough the body will always take us to where we need to go. That’s why we can process when we’re sleeping, that’s why we might cry or release things in our sleep, because our mind is going to sleep to get out of the way. So when I work with clients, I’ll take them into the body into the original moments of pain and release emotions that get stuck there.

But also the belief system that got planted in that moment: nobody listens to me, I’m not safe, I’m not lovable, I’m not important. The moment that that belief system gets planted, we start to identify with it as who we are and a whole life starts being designed from that place. So when I work with someone we will release the moment of trauma in the body and also the belief system that gets planted in the mind. What then starts to happen is it starts to unravel. And then they get to start to find what is authentic to them, and they start to build a new relationship with themselves in life, learning how to listen to their truth, learning how to listen to their feelings, feel their feelings. Learning how to speak what they really mean. I find remarkable.

And now it’s not surprising as we’re almost 99 percent of the time when people come to work with me they’ll go through these healing processes and almost always all of them will end up realizing what their dreams are or realizing their visions that they didn’t know before and they’ll change their work, and they’ll go back to school and they’ll train and then suddenly they’re following their purpose. Because what’s really happening is when we release those moments of trauma and these stories that we identify with we start to come back into alignment and when we come back into alignment in and in who we are in authenticity everything in our life follows, we start to realize what we love and what we want to do with our work, what we want to do with our life, and the kind of people we want to around us and that that creates healing in every aspect so that’s kind of my process and in retreats work with groups on that level. And I’m just about to launch a very powerful new transformational program which will come out in June which is called “Listening to life.”

Listening to life

So learning how to live beyond the story and really listen to life, live in flow with life. So yeah that’s kind of how I work.

Chloe: It sounds so amazing. Yeah listening to life, it’s such a wonderful thing when that starts happening, I used to hear that idea of kind of being people who are kind of hearing messages or intuition or I think yeah, like does that really happen, actually I found… I think as you start to hear yourself you can tap into something that tells you where to go and what to do and you can tap in, you can listen to life, I think I can understand that.

Nicky Clinch: Yes. Well, so when we’re not listening to the mind we can hear life. Normally all we can hear is the mind, when the mind… when we’re no longer stuck in the mind, we can actually really start to hear you know, we can start to be in flow with life, and it becomes… it’s like a beautiful dance. Yeah, it’s like a co creation.

Chloe: Sounds good to me. Can you share about how people can find out more about you and follow you and find you on line and all that sort of things.

How to get in touch with Nicky

Nicky Clinch: So my website is Nickyclinch.com, and on there you’ll be able to see what workshops or programs I’m leading or putting out retreats at the moment, I have a retreat coming up in the beginning of March, 6-8th of March. Which is a women’s transformational retreat all about dropping out of the mind into the stillness of heart, and I have a few spaces left for that. I have a new program coming out in June which everybody should listen out for, it’s going to be very very powerful and that we happening it twice a year. You can follow me on Instagram Nicky_clinch, where I don’t share as much as I used to but when I do show I tend to share something that really means something to me or that’s really important for me to share with others.

So those are the main cases, I also have a new You Tube channel out at the moment called Soul surgery, where I release videos every single week where I’ll be talking on a specific topic and then once a month guided visualization and meditation, you can subscribe to that for free. And that’s up now and then I have my book coming out the beginning of next year.

Chloe: Amazing, thank you so much Nicky, this conversation’s been very healing for me personally and I hope people listening… I know people listening well and a lot from it, so thank you so much.

Nicky Clinch: Great thank you for having me.

Outro: Thank you so much for listening, I really hope that you gained a lot from this episode. Come on over to Instagram and let me know what are you taking from this episode, find me @ Chloebrotheridge and I would love it if you would leave me a review in the podcast app or on i-Tunes, Subscribe to the podcast, leave me a rating and is there someone in your life that would really benefit from this podcast you can let them know by sharing this podcast, I’ll be so so grateful. So I’m just wishing you a wonderful week ahead, sending loads of love, hopefully you’ll tune in again and I’ll see you soon.

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